In the first time in recorded history something happened in Alabama that was noticed by the rest of the world. The election campaign for a seat in the Senate was one of the most bizarre in American election history and that comes from a country that elected Donald Trump as President.
Sampling views from around the world, livingfreeinqatar found confusion and disbelief on the state of American Democracy. Tim O'Tommy from the UK commented, "There I was watching the ten O'clock news on the wonderful BBC and they ran a small piece on the state election in Alabama, which appeared to be between a racist pedophile and someone who was not a racist pedophile. Now imagine my surprise when this was a simple choice for the voters of Alabama that the race itself was actually quite close. So shocked was I, I had to pour another cup of tea from my Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee tea pot and stroke my mustache in a disapproving manner. I'll also be cancelling my subscription to National Geographic in protest'.
Majid from Pakistan was equally confused, 'I know in my country marrying a 14 year old girl or harassing girls outside a school is not considered a hindrance to high office, in fact it is considered a prerequisite, but we all believed America democracy was different. They TOLD us it was different. We were told we were the racist, anti Semitic pedophiles when all along they lived in a place called Alabama and the extremist Christians voted for them! I am so disgusted at such a backward country I am withdrawing my green card application right away but I still love Mickey Mouse"
Our final contributor was Shane Bigtool from Australia, 'Alabama? Isn't that a mythical place in a song by Lynard Skynard, where the skies are so blue? They made it sound so good, strewth mate, now you tell me that it's inhabited by people living in 1858 who couldn't give a dingo's arse about the black fellas. Even down in Strayla we let them roam free and only consider the sheilas fair game after 16 years of age. You're telling me Americans are going to vote for a man who does't give his fellow man a fair crack of the whip and has a liking for little girls? Jees, that's pretty fucked up"
Wednesday, 13 December 2017
Egyptian Man Finally Stops Talking
In what has been claimed as a new world record, an Egyptian man in the finance department of QP finally stopped talking in a meeting after 8 hours and 34 minutes, when he boss in desperation shouted out, 'Can you just get to the fucking point!'
Anil from Kerala, (not India) who was present at the meeting witness this remarkable feat, 'The room was booked for one hour to discuss the budget for Qatar National celebrations but then Mohamed started talking and talking and talking. First it was just general greetings, then he asked about everyone's family without waiting for an answer, then he told us a story about how his brother in Cairo is having a hard time financially and that we should offer him a job, because he is really, really good and he said he is not saying that because it is his brother but because it was true. At one point he stopped to take a breath and the chair of the meeting was about to get us back on track, but then Mohamed started a monologue about how he had been in Qatar for over 23 years and he had personally been involved in every single great achievement in Qatar during that time, this was the bulk of the 8 hours and 34 minutes of non-stop talking. To be honest I didn't mind as I got to book an extra two hours overtime and I don't like my family anyway'
LivingfreeinQatar blog reached out to Mohamed for comment and he was surprised he had set a new record in Qatar. Mohamed went on the record to say, 'A new record for Qatar? Yanni, in Egypt this would be considered a warm up. I once attended a meeting at my cousins company in Alexandra when he spoke for 34 hours and 2 minutes non-stop and not one single decision was agreed upon. His company went bankrupt shortly afterwards and some said it was because of the lack of productivity, but I know it was a Zionist plot against hard working Arabs. As for my role in QP I like to see myself as the man that brings everyone together, the glue if you will between all nations and I know in my heart no one likes silence. Even the annoying Indian guy, Anil enjoys my meetings as he gets to book overtime and his own contribution is to shake his head at random times and smile at our Qatari boss."
Our incredulous reporter asked him if he plans to speak less about nothing and actually get to the point in future, Mohamed replied, 'What to do yanni? Sometimes I have no idea what the meeting is about but I don't want people to realise so I just start talking, I think it makes me look important. Anyway my home life is a mess and my wife won't let me get a word in, she and her mother once had a conversation that lasted 6 days, 12 hours and 25 minutes and consisted of absolutely nothing"
When QP was approached for comment on whether they would celebrate this new record a company spokesman said, 'Look we only hire Egyptians to fill up a quota and they fill in the periods of silence when no one has anything meaningful to say"
Anil from Kerala, (not India) who was present at the meeting witness this remarkable feat, 'The room was booked for one hour to discuss the budget for Qatar National celebrations but then Mohamed started talking and talking and talking. First it was just general greetings, then he asked about everyone's family without waiting for an answer, then he told us a story about how his brother in Cairo is having a hard time financially and that we should offer him a job, because he is really, really good and he said he is not saying that because it is his brother but because it was true. At one point he stopped to take a breath and the chair of the meeting was about to get us back on track, but then Mohamed started a monologue about how he had been in Qatar for over 23 years and he had personally been involved in every single great achievement in Qatar during that time, this was the bulk of the 8 hours and 34 minutes of non-stop talking. To be honest I didn't mind as I got to book an extra two hours overtime and I don't like my family anyway'
LivingfreeinQatar blog reached out to Mohamed for comment and he was surprised he had set a new record in Qatar. Mohamed went on the record to say, 'A new record for Qatar? Yanni, in Egypt this would be considered a warm up. I once attended a meeting at my cousins company in Alexandra when he spoke for 34 hours and 2 minutes non-stop and not one single decision was agreed upon. His company went bankrupt shortly afterwards and some said it was because of the lack of productivity, but I know it was a Zionist plot against hard working Arabs. As for my role in QP I like to see myself as the man that brings everyone together, the glue if you will between all nations and I know in my heart no one likes silence. Even the annoying Indian guy, Anil enjoys my meetings as he gets to book overtime and his own contribution is to shake his head at random times and smile at our Qatari boss."
Our incredulous reporter asked him if he plans to speak less about nothing and actually get to the point in future, Mohamed replied, 'What to do yanni? Sometimes I have no idea what the meeting is about but I don't want people to realise so I just start talking, I think it makes me look important. Anyway my home life is a mess and my wife won't let me get a word in, she and her mother once had a conversation that lasted 6 days, 12 hours and 25 minutes and consisted of absolutely nothing"
When QP was approached for comment on whether they would celebrate this new record a company spokesman said, 'Look we only hire Egyptians to fill up a quota and they fill in the periods of silence when no one has anything meaningful to say"
Monday, 11 December 2017
Doha News to become a Glamour Magazine
In what has been a turbulent couple of years for Doha News with website being blocked in Qatar and it's sale to Indian Poppadom Factory, more starting news has emerged. Doha News will relaunch itself as Qatar's newest, blandest Glamour Magazine focusing on all the people you avoid when visiting 5 star hotels in Doha. This news has been welcomed by the Qatar Government.
A spokesman who declined to be named was quoted as saying, "We did like Doha News, until we didn't, so we see ourselves as full supporters of this new initiative. When Doha News originally came on the scene, we were like, wow, we are so progressive, looks at us with our open media and transparency, forward looking new age media platform and everything, but then they started publishing stories we didn't like. We thought everyone knew the rules in Qatar and this shocked us. Some of the stuff they published was even the truth. However now Doha News is going back to it's roots, we look forward to seeing articles such as 'Me and my pet Cheetah and how we donate to the homeless' and 'Overdone make up Lebanese lady who acts like a princess, prancing around the Four Seasons', you know, good quality GCC journalism"
The new owners from their shrimp farm in Kerala are more than delighted to take on this ambitious project, 'We want to show the brunch scene at the Ritz Carlton like it has never been seen before. Glossary pictures of ladies in expensive dresses with tags that say things like, 'wow! she's dressed to impress' and 'She would not look out of place in Bollywood'"
When asked by our intrepid reporter, will there be stories on the critical issues in Qatar today, he was met with a firm response, "of course! We will report on the new chapati shop in Najma, the Doha Kaabadi championships and Vijay's argument with his neighbor over the cricket in full color 2 page article"
When our dashing reporter stated that, 'All these are Indian stories and not relevant to the majority of the expat population', he was quick to dismiss us explaining he had an urgent meeting with his cousin who was busy photographing men on the beach at the Grand Hyatt for a story about bodybuilding and nothing to do with gay men hanging out
A spokesman who declined to be named was quoted as saying, "We did like Doha News, until we didn't, so we see ourselves as full supporters of this new initiative. When Doha News originally came on the scene, we were like, wow, we are so progressive, looks at us with our open media and transparency, forward looking new age media platform and everything, but then they started publishing stories we didn't like. We thought everyone knew the rules in Qatar and this shocked us. Some of the stuff they published was even the truth. However now Doha News is going back to it's roots, we look forward to seeing articles such as 'Me and my pet Cheetah and how we donate to the homeless' and 'Overdone make up Lebanese lady who acts like a princess, prancing around the Four Seasons', you know, good quality GCC journalism"
The new owners from their shrimp farm in Kerala are more than delighted to take on this ambitious project, 'We want to show the brunch scene at the Ritz Carlton like it has never been seen before. Glossary pictures of ladies in expensive dresses with tags that say things like, 'wow! she's dressed to impress' and 'She would not look out of place in Bollywood'"
When asked by our intrepid reporter, will there be stories on the critical issues in Qatar today, he was met with a firm response, "of course! We will report on the new chapati shop in Najma, the Doha Kaabadi championships and Vijay's argument with his neighbor over the cricket in full color 2 page article"
When our dashing reporter stated that, 'All these are Indian stories and not relevant to the majority of the expat population', he was quick to dismiss us explaining he had an urgent meeting with his cousin who was busy photographing men on the beach at the Grand Hyatt for a story about bodybuilding and nothing to do with gay men hanging out
Saudi Arabia Government Wins Hypocrites of the Year for 10th Straight Year
Despite intense competition worldwide for this prized UN Accolade, Saudi Arabia's well experienced Administration again came out first for this prestigious award.
MBS in Geneva to collect the award spoke to the media, "We are proud that again we have been recognised as the most hypocritical government in the world for a 10th straight year. Of course we kept doing the usual things of preaching a strict form of Islam in the Kingdom while enjoying ourselves in London with alcohol, girls, gambling and outrageous spending but we realised with the emergence of the Trump Presidency we had to pull out all the stops. So first I devised a plan to accuse Qatar of supporting terrorism, while ignoring Saudi's long standing role in funding and supporting extremist groups around the world, (my father did giggle at that one) and then I preceded to lock up all my rich opponents on the basis of '"corruption" while spending $450 million on a dubious Da Vinci and $500 million on a yacht I liked the look off"
When questioned by Al Arabia Al Enquirer on how he obtained this ridiculous amount of money and what job he had apart from being 'Prince', MBS fired back;
"All my wealth was obtained legally and in the correct manner, anyone who disagrees can avail themselves of a free stay at the Ritz Carlton, Riyadh until they come to the correct answer."
President Trump was obviously disappointed and furious at not being selected for this award; "This is a big mistake, bigly, truly bigly. I'm making America great again but my hypocrisy levels are off the chart. I've been great and this committee has got it all wrong, how can I top introducing a travel ban on countries that had no connection with Islamic terrorism on American soil but leave off the countries whose citizens were directly involved? This is great policy and great hypocrisy. I've taken healthcare away from Americans and still managed to tell them its good for them, I've supported the gun lobby despite Americans dying like flies in a tar pit and I've supported the peace process massively by relocation the US Embassy to Jerusalem. Obama could not touch my level of great, bigly hypocrisy. Now I have to go, President is always busy making great deals and I must support a pedophile for the Senate"
MBS in Geneva to collect the award spoke to the media, "We are proud that again we have been recognised as the most hypocritical government in the world for a 10th straight year. Of course we kept doing the usual things of preaching a strict form of Islam in the Kingdom while enjoying ourselves in London with alcohol, girls, gambling and outrageous spending but we realised with the emergence of the Trump Presidency we had to pull out all the stops. So first I devised a plan to accuse Qatar of supporting terrorism, while ignoring Saudi's long standing role in funding and supporting extremist groups around the world, (my father did giggle at that one) and then I preceded to lock up all my rich opponents on the basis of '"corruption" while spending $450 million on a dubious Da Vinci and $500 million on a yacht I liked the look off"
When questioned by Al Arabia Al Enquirer on how he obtained this ridiculous amount of money and what job he had apart from being 'Prince', MBS fired back;
"All my wealth was obtained legally and in the correct manner, anyone who disagrees can avail themselves of a free stay at the Ritz Carlton, Riyadh until they come to the correct answer."
President Trump was obviously disappointed and furious at not being selected for this award; "This is a big mistake, bigly, truly bigly. I'm making America great again but my hypocrisy levels are off the chart. I've been great and this committee has got it all wrong, how can I top introducing a travel ban on countries that had no connection with Islamic terrorism on American soil but leave off the countries whose citizens were directly involved? This is great policy and great hypocrisy. I've taken healthcare away from Americans and still managed to tell them its good for them, I've supported the gun lobby despite Americans dying like flies in a tar pit and I've supported the peace process massively by relocation the US Embassy to Jerusalem. Obama could not touch my level of great, bigly hypocrisy. Now I have to go, President is always busy making great deals and I must support a pedophile for the Senate"
Friday, 18 July 2014
Israel the Schoolyard Bully
If we needed more reasons why religion poisons societies Israel serves us up a juicy meal time and time again. To defend their Jewishness they feel it necessary to terrorise and possibly even eradicate their neighbours in a display of disproportional show of force. Yes Hamas fire crappy rockets into Israel and Israel are quite good at stopping them, but the response and the murder of Palestinians is outrageous. F16s against basically villagers? In humane, like shooting fish in a barrel.
The other point about Gaza is the people there have no where to go. In Iraq you can move to a different part of the country if it gets too dangerous or maybe head to a refugee camp in another country. In Gaza you do not have that option, you can't make it to Israel as they won't let you in, same for Egypt. In Gaza there is no safe place either, it's far too small.
America must share some of the shame of Israel. They are not killing anyone but they are providing the bullets. Nothing justifies the slaughter happening right now.
You would have thought that a people like the Jews would have learnt from 2000 years of persecution from Arabia to Europe but it seems the only lesson they have learned is to kill. Luckily this does not apply to all Jews, many around the world are appalled by the actions of Israel and rightly so.
When will it end?
The other point about Gaza is the people there have no where to go. In Iraq you can move to a different part of the country if it gets too dangerous or maybe head to a refugee camp in another country. In Gaza you do not have that option, you can't make it to Israel as they won't let you in, same for Egypt. In Gaza there is no safe place either, it's far too small.
America must share some of the shame of Israel. They are not killing anyone but they are providing the bullets. Nothing justifies the slaughter happening right now.
You would have thought that a people like the Jews would have learnt from 2000 years of persecution from Arabia to Europe but it seems the only lesson they have learned is to kill. Luckily this does not apply to all Jews, many around the world are appalled by the actions of Israel and rightly so.
When will it end?
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
This weeks guest shouter
As Ramadan is in full swing in the Muslim worlds, the worlds mosque are gearing up for a season of extreme shouting for Fridays prays. Rich mosques import guest shouters to enthral and entertain the faithful. One such guest shouter Mahmoud Sisi the Sissy, has recently been employed in Saudi. 'I work all year for this, I ease of the shisha and the whisky so I can give a 20 minute hell and damnation to my spectators. I build up to the eyes bulging, spit induced frenzy to impose fear in all around me. By the time I'm finished I've convinced them all they are going to hell. It really helps with the zakat, which of course I get a 20% take off.'
When asked did he think he was cashing in on the period of the year people felt most spiritual, he did show some repentance. 'I was upset when one man committed suicide, as if he wanted to kill himself he should have done it in martyrdom, but I did manage a 20 minute rant at his dead body for the sake of my audience.'
This man showed no fear during the interview, except when asked who he thought was the best shouter in world Islam. 'It's my grandmother. She scares the shit out of me. Thank Allah, women are not allowed in male mosques or I'll be out of job'
When asked did he think he was cashing in on the period of the year people felt most spiritual, he did show some repentance. 'I was upset when one man committed suicide, as if he wanted to kill himself he should have done it in martyrdom, but I did manage a 20 minute rant at his dead body for the sake of my audience.'
This man showed no fear during the interview, except when asked who he thought was the best shouter in world Islam. 'It's my grandmother. She scares the shit out of me. Thank Allah, women are not allowed in male mosques or I'll be out of job'
Qatar 2022 Plans to Replicate Brazil Experience
Qatar 2022 Supreme Committee has pledge to recreate the experience of the host national of Brazil at the hugely successful 2014 WC. Having sent 23,409 observers they believe they have the blueprint to follow to out do Brazil.
Speaking to Head of Public Relations and Shwarma Availability, Mr Hamad Al Shaker it became obvious they would succeed in their plans, 'after attending the Brazil, Germany semi final we knew we could out do them. The fans watched 7-1 but we believe we can deliver 8-1 or even 10-0 and we will not wait until the semi finals to do it. We believe strongly that the Qatar National Team could deliver goals galore to the watching public as early as the group stages.'
It was pointed out by our start struck reporter who has minimal knowledge of football that the idea of football is to score more goals than the opposition, the Head of The Qatari FA and Minister of Camel Grooming jumped in, 'what would you know' he snorted. 'Everyone knows Brazil is the best football nation in the world and what they do is copied by every other nation. Please be gone from my office, next you will advise me on camel grooming you fool'
Our intrepid reporter left and met the German ambassador for his response. 'It is there country and they are free to do what they wish, I guess I should book the victory parade for 2022 now, sigh'
Speaking to Head of Public Relations and Shwarma Availability, Mr Hamad Al Shaker it became obvious they would succeed in their plans, 'after attending the Brazil, Germany semi final we knew we could out do them. The fans watched 7-1 but we believe we can deliver 8-1 or even 10-0 and we will not wait until the semi finals to do it. We believe strongly that the Qatar National Team could deliver goals galore to the watching public as early as the group stages.'
It was pointed out by our start struck reporter who has minimal knowledge of football that the idea of football is to score more goals than the opposition, the Head of The Qatari FA and Minister of Camel Grooming jumped in, 'what would you know' he snorted. 'Everyone knows Brazil is the best football nation in the world and what they do is copied by every other nation. Please be gone from my office, next you will advise me on camel grooming you fool'
Our intrepid reporter left and met the German ambassador for his response. 'It is there country and they are free to do what they wish, I guess I should book the victory parade for 2022 now, sigh'
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