Thursday 23 August 2012

American finds Qatar on a Map

American expat Rudy Eagleburger after 5 years as a resident of Doha can now proudly point to Qatar on a world map and is not educated other Americans amazed at his feat of Geography.

Our poorly paid reporter from the Penis-Gulf Herald caught up with him at his highly guarded compound, 'When I first came to this country I used to just go from home to work and back and never left my office or my compound assuming it to be American soil, however after the first year here I realised that all the other road users were not muslim terrorists trying to kill the American, after the second year I discovered that kofta was a food not a biological weapon and now after 5 years I realised that Qatar is not part of Saudi Arabia. Gee I bet they even speak a different language to the terrorists in Saudi'

As Rudy chowed down on is 5th Big Mac and slurped his large diet coke he continued, 'When I first saw the McDonalds I was so happy but assumed it was food aid to these poor starving A-rabs. My heart swelled with pride as we were bringing civilisation to the barbarians. No longer did they have to eat vermin like lamb or biyriani. Not only that we gave them Diary Queen and KFC, a true gift from the American people.'
However his proudest moment was saved for last, when he produced a map of the world and said, 'This is Gutter, kinda like Utah but with less religion'

Rudy said that he had things to do but left us with this message for the people of Qatar, 'I love the guys here they are just so practical, who would have thought they are kind enough to cover up the ugly women's faces so they can go out in public and not upset people. That's mighty friendly like, but must mozie on down to the Qube as I hear the dames really like us Americans and what's not to like?'

4 comments:

  1. "... bringing civilisation..."
    with this sentence you made my day rudy ;)
    the funny thing is that the us-americans really belief in this..!

    regards,
    an expat from europe

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  2. You should write for The Onion.

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  3. I remember when I first arrived in Gutter, going to the Villagio Mall, I rounded a corner and jumped in fright after almost walking into by a little old ninja lady. She was a bit surprised too and I could tell she thought I thought she was dressed for Halloween...

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  4. I'm American and this is hilarious. Unfortunately, it's so funny because the stereotype is based in truth. O.o
    The only American I've ever met that called it Gutter was a three star general in the US Army. Good grief.

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