Pope, "business as usual"

As Pope Benedict announced his resignation he quickly moved to reassure the faithful and those employees of the church. 'A new Pope does not mean we will forget our old friends or have a rapid change in policy. We will still follow the same homophobic, sexist, condom hating rhetoric we have always done, we will just hire a better PR man. Hey when it worked for the last 1000 years why change?'

'As for the employees of the church, we will not forsake you. We will defend you from those vicious children who seek to bring down the church and if it gets to hot for you in your own country and the police come calling, just phone123666123, preist relocation service and you will be whisked away to another country that is happy to turn a blind eye to the Catholic Church and its doings.'

An insider at the Vatican claimed this could be the biggest corporate reshuffle since the church was awarded exclusive rights to misogyny, homophobia, inquisitions and mass blind following in 150 from the Roman Empire. 'Of course we are against condoms he said, the Muslims are outbreeding us and although they do a good job of killing other Muslims we are worried about our market share and the best way of keeping ahead is getting them young, as conversion is harder to do, especially with people having access,to education and now are thinking for themselves.'

Western Films remade for a Middle East audience

Basic Instinct

A pshychological thriller with the main characters sleeping with each other at random times. No ones finds out who did as all the main characters get stoned to death at the end

Under Veil and Under Veil 2

A remake of the classic Steven Segal franchise. An arab lady seeks revenge against her husband for not buying that Gucci bag she was promised. She undercooks his lamb and forgets the huumus, theyby angering him to heart attack status

Non-Dirty Dancing

A religious film about the evils of dancing and music. An effigy of Patrick Swayze is stoned at the end.

Blade-Labour-Runners

Set in Jeddah in 2030. All the expatriates have been replaced by muslims robots indistinguishable from true believers. It all goes wrong when they set up their own religion and demand equal rights...

Bridget Husseins Diary

Day 1 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 2 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 3 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 4 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 5 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 6 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 7 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 8 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 9 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 10 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men

Day 11 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men