Saturday 9 February 2013

Western Films remade for a Middle East audience


Basic Instinct
A pshychological thriller with the main characters sleeping with each other at random times. No ones finds out who did as all the main characters get stoned to death at the end


Under Veil and Under Veil 2
A remake of the classic Steven Segal franchise. An arab lady seeks revenge against her husband for not buying that Gucci bag she was promised. She undercooks his lamb and forgets the huumus, theyby angering him to heart attack status


Non-Dirty Dancing
A religious film about the evils of dancing and music. An effigy of Patrick Swayze is stoned at the end.


Blade-Labour-Runners
Set in Jeddah in 2030. All the expatriates have been replaced by muslims robots indistinguishable from true believers. It all goes wrong when they set up their own religion and demand equal rights...


Bridget Husseins Diary
Day 1 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 2 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 3 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 4 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 5 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 6 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 7 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 8 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 9 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 10 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
Day 11 - Covered up, stayed in, met no men
 

14 comments:

  1. The Great Escape
    Kept virtual prisoner in the industrial area, 200 labourers without their passports try to dig three tunnels to India...... Sanjay, Ashraf and Sandeep....

    Driving Miss Muna
    A Indian who neither speaks English or Arabic and whose only experience of driving was a cow in Utter Pradesh, is given the keys to a 5 ltr 4*4 and maims everyone on the road.... setting a guiness book of records 284 accidents in only 3 months...

    Three Maids and A Baby
    Three Qatari dads get left by their wives home alone to look after one baby while the women go shopping in Paris. They hire three maids and then go to Bangkok for the weekend. The maids sell the baby to Madonna in exchange for a IPhone and signed cone bra...


    Taxi Driver
    A foreign language film. You get in you give your destination but you could end up anywhere. You try and guide the taxi driver in pigeon English, but in the end give up and head to the Ramada as that is the only place he knows in Doha. Later you find out he ate 3 Nepalese labourers the day before....

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  2. Some Like it Hot
    Two labourers dressed in Abayas try to win over the love of their life. An Indonesian housemaid with flowing blonde
    hair and a dizzy outlook on life. Shadowed whereever she goes for her own protection by her sponsors the three
    embark on a hilarious journey through Souk Waqif, City Centre and Villagio ending in the hilarious gondala
    scence.... the films happy ending is dashed when someone calls CID because the maids skirt is one cm above her knee
    and the two labourers are sentence to hard gay labour in Al Rayan for cross

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  3. The Usual Suspects
    CEO - Qatari
    Management - Westerners
    Middle Managers - Other Arabs
    The guys who do all the work - Indians and Filipinos.
    Everyone blames everyone else when something goes wrong.

    Life of Brian
    A film about a British guy called Brian who leads an ordinary life, holding down a ordinary job, with an ordinary family with absolutley no connection to any religious prophet living or dead... until one day he accidently discovers that Jesus is working in the cubicle next to him on a much better package.... its called a Prophet Uplift....

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  4. A Fistfull of Riyals...
    A lone expat sets out as a fast food delivery driver across town to get a tip from the best tipper in town. His arch rival wants to steal his route.... two motorbikes weave their way across town leaving distruction in their path. Cars crash to avoid them, police chase but nothing can stop them. Our anti-hero eventually nudges his nemesis off the corniche road into the bay and leaves with a quip...'delivery for neptune'..
    He gets to his destination, gets his tip and when asked his name he replies...'I go by many names and some say I'm half human, half horse but I'm the man you call when you need your food slighly warm'


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  5. 4 comments .. thought how the hell they are faster den me ...

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  6. Hehehehehe......


    Xena x

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  7. I welcome contributions if you have any

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  8. I love Bridget Hussain's Diary

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  9. Where were you all these days? I burst out laughing at work and that made my day! Keep it up!!

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    1. Been a big busy. More updates coming this weekend

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  10. Oh hell! Hats off this is one of the most hilarious stuff I've ever seen since Monty python!.
    Thank you for brighting my day in this aweful sand hole.

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    1. Thanks. I must get back to writing, been very lax these last few months.....

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