Thursday, 5 April 2018

1st Indian in Qatar with a Legal Driver's licence

Antony Masla today became the first Indian driver in the State of Qatar to legally obtain his drivers licence after taking the driving test a record 264 times.
Antony whose previous driving experience was a cow (5 ltr, milk)in Uttar Pradesh now has the keys to a Toyota LC for his employers.
Bungling reporter and part time pervert Sheik Midick of the Gulf-Penisular caught up with Antony on his first ever legal drive. 'Like every other Indian in Qatar I had been driving for 12 years without a licence or instruction but I wanted that clear plastic licence to show my family back home that I made it. It took me a while to realise that nudging other cars out of the way was unacceptable and would lead to failure after failure at the driving school. When we rode cows it was ok but now I accept cars are different beasts'
When we inquired if there was any downside to having a legal driving licence Antony responded, 'some of my old friends shun me now as they think I have become to good for them, but I'm still the same guy that changes lanes randomly and when he parks I park over the parking lines not between them. I say look at my vehicle, look at the scratches that has not changed! The other thing is all these points on my licence. I'm not sure what they are for, can I exchange them for rotis at Lulu?'
On contacting the traffic police for comment they proudly stated that they have now issued 3 driving licences for Indians, one to a Pakistani who unfortunately has now left the country and 4 to the Nepalese one of which is now the highest qualified person in his country. The Traffic Police Chief added that they have not stopped there and hope to have at least 20 qualified drivers on the road by the end of 2022 at least.

Monday, 1 January 2018

SJWs Protest at Rampant Islamophobia in Iran

Following a week of street protests in many cities in Iran, social justice warriors in the west have taken to their keyboards in unprecedented numbers to attack the Islamophobia shown by the protesters against the legitimate government of the Islamic State of Iran.

American SJW extraordinaire, Linda Sarsour was quick to launch a blistering twitter attack on the protesters and when asked for comment had this to say, "This is what happens when Trump is President of the US, attacks on Muslims just increase around the world. Ayatollah Khameni and his Iranian Republican Guard are just good Muslims doing their best for the Iranian people. These protesters do not understand Islam and are blatantly Islamophobic with their demand for the end to clerical rule. Do they not know that under Sharia that women have a special place and that the hijab law in Iran is their to protect them? Trump must take the blame for inciting this violence and should give refugee status to members of the Iranian Government and Iranian Republican Guard suffering from Islamophobia"

Other prominent SJWs jumping on the bandwagon also tweeted, this from CJ Werleman, 'This is what the New Atheists have brought with their anti Islamic rhetoric, chaos and disorder, legitimizing Islamophobia in one of the most peaceful countries on earth." He continued, "We must fight those that seek to demonise Islam and condemn these protesters as the tools of western foreign policy"

LivingfreeinQatar reached out to some of the protesters for their response to the charge of Islamophobia. One person who wished to remain anonymous said, 'It's all very well for these people living in their nice houses, with expensive iPhones, free speech, rights protected by the constitution who have freedom of religion to accuse us of Islamophobia but if they like it so much, let them come to Iran and I will go and live in America. It's funny how they complain so much about the intolerance of the west and dream about living in an Islamic state but never, not even once, just visit these places. In fact I'll take their job, how much does a SJW get paid?"

So there you have it, SJWs using their favorite tool of Twitter to proclaim their liberal, human rights credentials while undermining those seeking freedom from oppression overseas. However at the end of the day, being a SJW gets you fame and a good salary and we all need to earn a living right?

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

World Confused by Alabama

In the first time in recorded history something happened in Alabama that was noticed by the rest of the world. The election campaign for a seat in the Senate was one of the most bizarre in American election history and that comes from a country that elected Donald Trump as President.

Sampling views from around the world, livingfreeinqatar found confusion and disbelief on the state of American Democracy. Tim O'Tommy from the UK commented, "There I was watching the ten O'clock news on the wonderful BBC and they ran a small piece on the state election in Alabama, which appeared to be between a racist pedophile and someone who was not a racist pedophile. Now imagine my surprise when this was a simple choice for the voters of Alabama that the race itself was actually quite close. So shocked was I, I had to pour another cup of tea from my Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee tea pot and stroke my mustache in a disapproving manner. I'll also be cancelling my subscription to National Geographic in protest'.

Majid from Pakistan was equally confused, 'I know in my country marrying a 14 year old girl or harassing girls outside a school is not considered a hindrance to high office, in fact it is considered a prerequisite, but we all believed America democracy was different. They TOLD us it was different. We were told we were the racist, anti Semitic pedophiles when all along they lived in a place called Alabama and the extremist Christians voted for them! I am so disgusted at such a backward country I am withdrawing my green card application right away but I still love Mickey Mouse"

Our final contributor was Shane Bigtool from Australia, 'Alabama? Isn't that a mythical place in a song by Lynard Skynard, where the skies are so blue? They made it sound so good, strewth mate, now you tell me that it's inhabited by people living in 1858 who couldn't give a dingo's arse about the black fellas. Even down in Strayla we let them roam free and only consider the sheilas fair game after 16 years of age. You're telling me Americans are going to vote for a man who does't give his fellow man a fair crack of the whip and has a liking for little girls? Jees, that's pretty fucked up"

Egyptian Man Finally Stops Talking

In what has been claimed as a new world record, an Egyptian man in the finance department of QP finally stopped talking in a meeting after 8 hours and 34 minutes, when he boss in desperation shouted out, 'Can you just get to the fucking point!'

Anil from Kerala, (not India) who was present at the meeting witness this remarkable feat, 'The room was booked for one hour to discuss the budget for Qatar National celebrations but then Mohamed started talking and talking and talking. First it was just general greetings, then he asked about everyone's family without waiting for an answer, then he told us a story about how his brother in Cairo is having a hard time financially and that we should offer him a job, because he is really, really good and he said he is not saying that because it is his brother but because it was true. At one point he stopped to take a breath and the chair of the meeting was about to get us back on track, but then Mohamed started a monologue about how he had been in Qatar for over 23 years and he had personally been involved in every single great achievement in Qatar during that time, this was the bulk of the 8 hours and 34 minutes of non-stop talking. To be honest I didn't mind as I got to book an extra two hours overtime and I don't like my family anyway'

LivingfreeinQatar blog reached out to Mohamed for comment and he was surprised he had set a new record in Qatar. Mohamed went on the record to say, 'A new record for Qatar? Yanni, in Egypt this would be considered a warm up. I once attended a meeting at my cousins company in Alexandra when he spoke for 34 hours and 2 minutes non-stop and not one single decision was agreed upon. His company went bankrupt shortly afterwards and some said it was because of the lack of productivity, but I know it was a Zionist plot against hard working Arabs. As for my role in QP I like to see myself as the man that brings everyone together, the glue if you will between all nations and I know in my heart no one likes silence. Even the annoying Indian guy, Anil enjoys my meetings as he gets to book overtime and his own contribution is to shake his head at random times and smile at our Qatari boss."

Our incredulous reporter asked him if he plans to speak less about nothing and actually get to the point in future, Mohamed replied, 'What to do yanni? Sometimes I have no idea what the meeting is about but I don't want people to realise so I just start talking, I think it makes me look important. Anyway my home life is a mess and my wife won't let me get a word in, she and her mother once had a conversation that lasted 6 days, 12 hours and 25 minutes and consisted of absolutely nothing"

When QP was approached for comment on whether they would celebrate this new record a company spokesman said, 'Look we only hire Egyptians to fill up a quota and they fill in the periods of silence when no one has anything meaningful to say"

Monday, 11 December 2017

Doha News to become a Glamour Magazine

In what has been a turbulent couple of years for Doha News with website being blocked in Qatar and it's sale to Indian Poppadom Factory, more starting news has emerged. Doha News will relaunch itself as Qatar's newest, blandest Glamour Magazine focusing on all the people you avoid when visiting 5 star hotels in Doha. This news has been welcomed by the Qatar Government.

A spokesman who declined to be named was quoted as saying, "We did like Doha News, until we didn't, so we see ourselves as full supporters of this new initiative. When Doha News originally came on the scene, we were like, wow, we are so progressive, looks at us with our open media and transparency, forward looking new age media platform and everything, but then they started publishing stories we didn't like. We thought everyone knew the rules in Qatar and this shocked us. Some of the stuff they published was even the truth. However now Doha News is going back to it's roots, we look forward to seeing articles such as 'Me and my pet Cheetah and how we donate to the homeless' and 'Overdone make up Lebanese lady who acts like a princess, prancing around the Four Seasons', you know, good quality GCC journalism"

The new owners from their shrimp farm in Kerala are more than delighted to take on this ambitious project, 'We want to show the brunch scene at the Ritz Carlton like it has never been seen before. Glossary pictures of ladies in expensive dresses with tags that say things like, 'wow! she's dressed to impress' and 'She would not look out of place in Bollywood'"

When asked by our intrepid reporter, will there be stories on the critical issues in Qatar today, he was met with a firm response, "of course! We will report on the new chapati shop in Najma, the Doha Kaabadi championships and Vijay's argument with his neighbor over the cricket in full color 2 page article"

When our dashing reporter stated that, 'All these are Indian stories and not relevant to the majority of the expat population', he was quick to dismiss us explaining he had an urgent meeting with his cousin who was busy photographing men on the beach at the Grand Hyatt for a story about bodybuilding and nothing to do with gay men hanging out

Saudi Arabia Government Wins Hypocrites of the Year for 10th Straight Year

Despite intense competition worldwide for this prized UN Accolade, Saudi Arabia's well experienced Administration again came out first for this prestigious award.

MBS in Geneva to collect the award spoke to the media, "We are proud that again we have been recognised as the most hypocritical government in the world for a 10th straight year. Of course we kept doing the usual things of preaching a strict form of Islam in the Kingdom while enjoying ourselves in London with alcohol, girls, gambling and outrageous spending but we realised with the emergence of the Trump Presidency we had to pull out all the stops. So first I devised a plan to accuse Qatar of supporting terrorism, while ignoring Saudi's long standing role in funding and supporting extremist groups around the world, (my father did giggle at that one) and then I preceded to lock up all my rich opponents on the basis of '"corruption" while spending $450 million on a dubious Da Vinci and $500 million on a yacht I liked the look off"

When questioned by Al Arabia Al Enquirer on how he obtained this ridiculous amount of money and what job he had apart from being 'Prince', MBS fired back;

"All my wealth was obtained legally and in the correct manner, anyone who disagrees can avail themselves of a free stay at the Ritz Carlton, Riyadh until they come to the correct answer."

President Trump was obviously disappointed and furious at not being selected for this award; "This is a big mistake, bigly, truly bigly. I'm making America great again but my hypocrisy levels are off the chart. I've been great and this committee has got it all wrong, how can I top introducing a travel ban on countries that had no connection with Islamic terrorism on American soil but leave off the countries whose citizens were directly involved? This is great policy and great hypocrisy. I've taken healthcare away from Americans and still managed to tell them its good for them, I've supported the gun lobby despite Americans dying like flies in a tar pit and I've supported the peace process massively by relocation the US Embassy to Jerusalem. Obama could not touch my level of great, bigly hypocrisy. Now I have to go, President is always busy making great deals and I must support a pedophile for the Senate"

Friday, 18 July 2014

Israel the Schoolyard Bully

If we needed more reasons why religion poisons societies Israel serves us up a juicy meal time and time again. To defend their Jewishness they feel it necessary to terrorise and possibly even eradicate their neighbours in a display of disproportional show of force. Yes Hamas fire crappy rockets into Israel and Israel are quite good at stopping them, but the response and the murder of Palestinians is outrageous. F16s against basically villagers? In humane, like shooting fish in a barrel.

The other point about Gaza is the people there have no where to go. In Iraq you can move to a different part of the country if it gets too dangerous or maybe head to a refugee camp in another country. In Gaza you do not have that option, you can't make it to Israel as they won't let you in, same for Egypt. In Gaza there is no safe place either, it's far too small.

America must share some of the shame of Israel. They are not killing anyone but they are providing the bullets. Nothing justifies the slaughter happening right now.

You would have thought that a people like the Jews would have learnt from 2000 years of persecution from Arabia to Europe but it seems the only lesson they have learned is to kill. Luckily this does not apply to all Jews, many around the world are appalled by the actions of Israel and rightly so.

When will it end?