Qatar buys rights to Papal Conclave

In a stunning move that has shocked the world the Qatar Religious Investment Bureau has bought the rights to electing the next Pope. The deliberations will be moved from the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City and move to Katara in a coup which will have the world's 1.2 billion Catholics glued to their TV sets for the announcement on who will be the next Pope.

Following on from winning the rights to hosting the 2022 FIFA World Cup and from the annual Doha Tribeca Film Festival, this move is surely going to put Qatar even more in the spotlight than before. It is rumoured Qatar has spend 2 billion dollars buying the rights to this event, although both the Vatican and QRIB deny the figure is that high.

The move has attracted some criticism saying that Qatar did not play fair when bidding for the rights and used underhand methods to outbid Russia and Somalia for exclusive rights and worldwide TV broadcasts.

All criticism was brushed aside by the spokesman for QRIB, Sheik Jean Paul Al Holy III, “This is just a few individuals and old countries jealous of the important steps Qatar is making in its development. They don’t believe an Arab country has the right to hold such an important event and to do it right. We will prove them wrong that this small country has a big heart and takes electing the next Pope very seriously.’

When questioned further on what Qatar can bring to the Papal Conclave, Sheik Al Holy III was bursting with pride, “we will replace the traditional smoke from the chimney with the British Red Arrows flying over the Corniche to announce the result, red smoke for a successor has been chosen and black smoke for no result. We haven’t decided yet what to do for a draw but apparently the Cardinals are too old to take part in a penalty shoot out. “

So for the first time in over 1000 years the decision to elect the new Pope will not take place in the Vatican but in Qatar and it was further confirmed that whoever the successful candidate is will be given an apartment on the Pearl, a liquor licence and will have a 5 year sponsorship contract with Ooreedoo. Imagine the robes coloured red with the logo on the back and the front during Easter mass/

Rumours that Qatar will put forward their own candidate have been denied.