Assad Enters Arab Idol

Bashar Assad trying to repair his battered reputation has entered the auditions for this year's Arab Idol, with the rumour being that he will audition in Qatar as all theatres and microphones have been destroyed in Syria.

Assad via Skype gave an angry defence of his position to livinginqatarfree blog, 'The world has got it all wrong about me, I'm kind, gentle and I stroke fluffly bunnies. No one who has heard my version of Frank Sinatra's My Way have ever left the room without a tear in their eye. All these nasty rumours that the terrorists in Syria spread about me are all lies, the people love me and what to hear my beautiful voice once more. I told Gaddafi once if he could perform like the Prodigy doing a version of Smack My Bitch Up, the rebellion against him would have finished by lunchtime. However he choose to ignore my glorious words of advice and returned to playing World Of Warcraft.'

LivingfreeinQatar pressed him further asking what outfit would he wear and what would be his chosen song, Assad answer. 'The Beatles were all about peace and love but for me, Elvis was the man of true love. Even the 70s incarnation, overweight and silver jumpsuits the love just poured out of him like too many cheeseburgers. I will open up with Love Me Tender and finish with a rousing rendition of Suspicious Minds while removing my trousers and throwing them into the loving crowd. It's what I call my love embrace finish when I come with joy to the masses. This will show the true face of Assad and the love I have for all people'

Meanwhile it is understood that Qatar will fund all other Arab Idol contestants against Assad, providing them with a budget of 2 million dollars each for clothers, lighting, exotic dancers and shwarmas. A spokeman who did not wish to be named said, 'that'll fuck him, if he thinks he can come here while we are waging war in Syria against him and prance around like a homosexual he has another thing coming'